


The Two Sides of the Glory Hole

by DrByron



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Dishonesty, Flirting, Forbidden Desires, Glory Hole, M/M, Pranking, Threesome - M/M/M, Vaughn being a problematic fave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:19:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4140960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrByron/pseuds/DrByron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys accidentally discovers that one of Hyperion's restrooms has a glory hole. He and Vaughn decide to go on a little investigation to find out who's behind it, before taking another more intimate look together. Meanwhile, Vaughn has his very own idea on how to get the best out of this.</p><p>[This takes place a few years before TFTBL]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Two Sides of the Glory Hole

The reason why Rhys had entered this very specific and very special restroom in the first place was nothing but a coincidence. Some would say it was destiny. But in the end, it was a chain-reaction of the incompetence of one worker, the full bladder of another and the lunch break time of a third. And it all ended in Rhys rushing into the restroom stall on a corridor that isn't even remotely close to his working place, or any of his friends's for that matter. Just as he was hurriedly fiddling with his zipper, he got a phone call on his embarassingly outdated flip case phone. The ringtone was a monophonic jingle, though not by necessity, but because it made the phone seem slightly newer _by comparison_. Trying to deny the call was the most attractive option but not that easy to execute with an impatient bladder and rushed fingers that could hardly hit the right buttons. He gave a sigh of relief when he could finally let the pressure of urine drain from him -but a tiny familiar voice coming from the device in his pocket ripped him right out of his state of peaceful content again.  
  
“Rhys? Bro? Hey, you there?”, Vaughn's voice echoed from afar. Rhys hastily held the phone to his ear, his stream of body fluids awkwardly interrupted.  
“Y-yeah? Hey-” He cleared his throat. “...Vaughn. Yeah, umh, I'm here! I'm... here.”  
He felt his whole body clenching and closing up, and it was agony.  
“Hey, uh, bro, you know I love to hear your voice but I'm kinda in the middle of being at the restroom right now, and-”, Rhys said.  
“Oh I don't mind, I'll just speak up. So-”  
“No, but-” Rhys tried to interrupt, but was simply talked over.  
“Did you finally have a word with Kendra? I mean, geez, our servers are so slow right now! We can hardly chat on EchoBook, dude. And do you have that problem with your default settings acting up too? Like, it's telling me my, _now check this_ , that my graphic card isn't fast enough to display the _financial records_. I have no idea what's going on, I _tried_ to fix it, but it's not happening.”  
Rhys took a long sigh, looking at his sad limp dick in his left hand, and how it was pleading him to just let go and take a piss. But he just couldn't do it. He couldn't even pee when a stranger was in the same public restroom as he was. He had to be _all_ alone.  
“Yeah, I wish... no such luck, man.” Rhys sighed. ”I went there just know. I tried to really make an entrance, you know, real cool and kicking in the door and all, and make IT face the wrath of their unserviced coworkers. I mean, we can't work around these minor flaws forever! They keep piling up!”  
“Yeah, exactly!”, Vaughn agreed enthusiastically.  
“But you think Kendra was around? No, she wasn't. Obviously. There was only one guy around, this Peter something-something. And of course he said that neither your, nor my office were his division. Apparently, not even the main servers are his _division_.”  
“Fucking IT, man!”, Vaughn growled. “We should like... get revenge or something. Send a virus. Something that opens thousands of pop up windows with annoying little dancing hamsters. Or maybe like... multiplying hamster gifs. No, no no no, bunnies. Because they're multiplying? Like, like bunnies do.”  
“Yeah, yeah I get it.”, Rhys affirmed.  
“And the gifs would hump each other like really grossly and say ' _Do your job and stop fucking around!_ '. And then multiply more! And then... they'd have so many bunnies on their desktops. Like one huge bunny gif orgy. Yeah, that would so show them!”, Vaughn conspired.  
  
Rhys bit his lower lip and let his eyes impatiently wander through the toilet stall, nodding even though Vaughn couldn't see him. He scanned the surroundings for something to distract him from the pressure of his half-full bladder. There wasn't as much graffiti and vandalism as there could be, actually, since the stalls were regularly purged of it. Very clean, very shiny, very Hyperion, in a sleek variant of cool greys with yellow elements. To his right, here was a “Handsome Jack's Handsome Cock” scrawl with a little crude dick drawn next to it. Its tip was wearing a Handsome Jack mask with a smiley face on it that was horrendously adorable. Another corner offered the words 'If you want a good hard whipping, call: 2-100...' and a few smudges as a follow-up. And to his left, there was a hole. Not the drawing of a hole, this was no euphemism, it was an actual hole leading into darkness and unknown places.  
  
“Umh... dude...”, Rhys said.  
“Maybe the virus should take over the camera and take uncompromising pictures and send them to the whole company!”, Vaughn continued.  
“B-bro, hey, listen-”, Rhys insisted.  
“Like, reacting to specific amounts of nudeness in front of the lense or weird faces.”, Vaughn was _really_ on a roll.  
“Vaughn!”, Rhys hissed. “I think there's... I think there's some sort of... hole in this restroom?”  
“A hole?”, Vaughn finally stopped. “Like, what kinda hole? A rat hole?”  
“No like... higher.”, Rhys whispered, slowly putting his dick back into his pants and back into safety.  
“Like... maybe a... _glory hole_? I don't know, are glory holes literally just holes in the wall?”, Rhys asked.  
“Usually are. Yeah. So... that's the case then? You have one right there?”  
“Yeah... oh. Oh wait, it says right there. 'Hole to Glory'. Like, it's written right next to it, with an arrow pointing to the thing.”  
“That's... kind of a dead giveaway.”  
“That's... so weird. Like... people had their dick in that, right? Gross!” Rhys shuddered a little, staring at it.  
  
And with that keyword, Rhys got a life demonstration. A private display of the usage of a glory hole, right in front of his eyes and barely two feet away from him: A thick, erect male primary sex organ was suddenly _in it_. Curiously peeking out. A pink one-eyed snake staring at him.  
Rhys screamed with a defeaning, panicked, undignified high-pitch. In fear, he turned the lock, rattled it about, and as soon as the door was open, he sped outside. He ran out of the restroom stall, across the hallway, all the way back to his work place. When he finally sat in his safe office chair again, paralyzed to a statue of himself, he heard Vaughn's tiny voice coming from his phone in his hand again.  
“Rhys? Rhys?”, he peeped.  
Rhys replied. “S-sorry man, I... I... I think I just saw a dick. In... in the glory hole. I... I'm back at the office.”  
Vaughn just chuckled at the end of the phone line.  
“Dude... how did it look?!"  
"Like a penis?! Like, real gross!"  
"Ah shit, bro! So I guess you don't want any of the bananas I brought for lunch today, huh?” Vaughn laughed.  
  
The break couldn't come soon enough for Rhys's taste. He had seen dicks before, obviously, but not in an unsolicited, sleazy situation like this. When he spotted Vaughn in the break room, he rushed across to grab and lift Vaughn for an extra tight hug. This was important matter to be taken care of before commencing to talk business.  
“Bro, was it that terrifying? Was it ugly?” Vaughn smiled with pity, patting his friend's back.  
“Yeah, it was. I... I don't if it was _ugly_ , though? What do you even mean? It was a dick, man! They're... they're all kinda ugly.” Rhys lowered his voice.  
"I am gonna have nightmares about this."  
  
When they sat opposite of each other, Rhys held onto his mug of black coffee for comfort. It was moments like this where he resented trying to pretend to like it (as Handsome Jack had always taken his coffee black). Because he sure as hell would've preferred a nice cup of hot cocoa right now. With a marshmallow and chocolate sprinkles floating on top.  
  
"I didn't know we had a glory hole in one of the company restrooms... we've worked here for years without knowing!" Rhys shook his head and stared at the table in utter disbelief.  
"Was is the one near PR? Between rooms H-190 and I-001?" Vaughn mumbled with a bite of his peanutbutter banana wholegrain sandwich grinding in his mouth.  
"Wait, so you've heard of it?", Rhys raised an eyebrow.  
"Yeah I've, uh, b....eeeee... do you have to stare at my lips like you're trying to pull out the words with your eyes?"  
"Sorry it just looked like you were gonna say something significant."  
"I've been there! Alright?" Vaughn put his sandwich down and frowned.  
"Yeah, right...” Rhys snorted in amusement. “So why haven't you told me about it, _you big boy_?"  
"Because I ran into complications! I didn't wanna... they didn't make me wanna run to you and immediately hail the glory hole you know. I was... too short to reach it."  
"Too short. For the hole? Your hip-height?"  
"Yeah!"  
Rhys snorted again and involuntarily began to chuckle.  
"Well, that's a bummer!"  
"And when I got a stool to stand on I was too big!" Vaughn huffed.  
"Why didn't you... crouch or something, bro." Rhys snickered.  
"No, man, too _big_. My dick didn't fit."  
"O-oh... oh- umh- right.” Rhys blushed faintly and awkwardly choked on his words. “I can see how that could happen."  
  
What neither Rhys nor Vaughn noticed was that somebody was listening in on them. The breakroom was large enough to obscure him behind a few other coworkers, but on a neighboring table, Hugo Vasquez has been busying himself eating one peach and sipping pad machine café latte for longer than should be allowed by company regulations. The tinier the bites, the more often he just licked and prodded the fruit with his tongue, the more time he’d have to eavesdrop without seeming suspicious. At least that was his reasoning. Everybody but Rhys and Vaughn noticed how agitated and wide-eyed he looked, hooking his jaw into the fruit. Though nobody ever _cared_ about Vasquez's occasional emotional turmoils. Reason one was a genuine disinterest. Reason two was him being slightly _fickle_ if one would approach the matter _the wrong way_ , so that even the extremely rare caretaker types at Hyperion started to... avoid him. Employees were experiencing streaks of _bad luck_ around Hugo Vasquez.  
  
"So you tried it. Well. Tried to try it." Rhys asked curiously.  
"Yeah, without any success obviously! I don't really know what body type that hole is made for. But I get the impression it's perfectly Handsome Jack sized..." Vaughn mused, taking another bite of his sandwich.  
"I am pretty Handsome Jack sized." Rhys remarked with a self-indulgent smirk.  
"Yeah, you'd fit..." Vaughn gave him a meaningful eyebrow wiggle.  
  
Hugo sat frozen, hiding his broad smirk behind his coffee mug, excitedly gnawing on the brim.  
  
"Bro... are you implying what I think you're implying?" Rhys whispered with careful excitement.  
"Well I don't see the downside? Free blowjob, man..." Vaughn hummed in a sing-song-y tone.  
"I'd... I'd kinda wanna know whom I'm dealing with, though, you know...? You think it's always the same person?" Rhys nervously pressed his fingertips against his warm coffee mug, alternating them rhythmically.  
"Oh yeah, I'm sure. I mean, I guess.” Vaughn said off-handedly, munching his sandwich. “This is next to an unused broom closet. I don't even know who still has the key for it. It's always locked."  
"I wonder who it is... who would even do such a thing?" Rhys stared at his coffee.  
"Somebody who likes dicks in their mouth?” Vaughn swallowed the sandwich mush.  
“ Who knows? In this company, I wouldn't be surprised if the person is using it to spread revenge STDs. Or filling their mouth with peanut butter to cause a severe allergic reaction. Or put some weird stuff on it that will cause gradual discoloration or like bad rashes or something. Or cut off parts of the skin for DNA samples. Well, uh, I guess they could use the sperm for that too... I mean, you can do a lot of stuff to an aroused penis of an aroused person without them questioning it. Maybe they're downright poisoning coworkers with a needle _right_ to the dick!"  
  
Hugo furrowed his brow, shook his head and snorted in amusement. He pensively let his eyes wander, licking a bit of milk foam off the side of his coffee mug.  
  
Rhys's whole body cringed up in utter disgust.  
"And you want me to stick my dick in that?" He squeaked. " _Not_! ...sounding very appealing right now!"  
"We can ask around first and make sure?” Vaughn shrugged.  
“I bet we could find out if there was a history of accidents. Hey, maybe we even find out who it is!"  
"Yeah, we should... investigate." Rhys squinted, and an intrigued smile slowly spread on his face.  
"Ohh, yeah, like we're detectives, bro!" Vaughn's eyes lit up.  
"Yeah, bro. All trench coat and fedora and... with jazzy music playing everywhere in the background."  
Vaughn chuckled and offered Rhys a brofist. Rhys bumped his against it.  
"Yeah, man. That sounds way awesome. Let's ask all our coworkers! We investigate this week and Friday we compare findings, how does that sound?” Rhys asked.  
“And Friday is also the day we check it out in person. Alright? You game, bro?"  
"I am so game." Rhys grinned, albeit a little nervously.  
  
They were so caught up in their moment of bromance that they did not notice Vasquez powerwalking out of the breakroom.

 

* * *

Vaughn was unsurprised that the witnesses he found were not short in number. At the water cooler, the coffee machine, the snack bar, the men's restroom, the hallways, the nurse's office, and a couple of Hyperion-favored joints he checked out in the evenings, everywhere Hyperion-employed penis-owners had heard of the glory hole. His questions were always the same and nobody seemed shy to share their knowledge. He got the impression that this was a widely known secret everybody only _pretended_ to not know about.  
  
"My review? Perfect tongue work, 10 out of 10, would recommend.” A guy from Quality Assurance mused over a can of root beer at the vending machine. “Just a good old blowjob, with no side effects and no strings attached. Who am I to not use that commodity, right? I thought he might take dick pics to use them against me, I'm sure he would use dirty tricks like that... but he didn't, not that I know. Maybe that's because I don't really have anything he could blackmail me _for_... Guess he's just _really_ into it, you know."  
"A _'he'_ , huh? What makes you so sure? You got a specific idea who it could be then?"Vaughn asked.  
"Hey, the guy rubbed my penis all over his face. That beard and that facial shape? Let me be honest with you, I was always imagining it might be that Vasquez guy from Data Mining... No, I assume it's him. But I don't really know? Either way, I'm _imagining_ it's him."  
“Oh really, what does your _girlfriend_ say to that?” Vaughn puckered his lips and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.  
“That's something else! Only time I can stuff his mouth, you get my point?” QA guy gave a dirty leer.  
“Oh yeah, I _totally_ can.” Vaughn laughed and gave him a conspiratory wink.  
  
Further accounts did nothing to disprove that impression, not one single time.  
"I-I don't really know for sure...", a co-worker from Accounting whispered across their desks and underneath their computer screens. "...but Mr Vasquez knew about my new Prince Albert piercing before I had mentioned it to anyone, let alone shown it to anyone. Except for... for the glory hole. Maybe my piercer told somebody, sure, but she's not like that! And I got a real strong feeling it's him. He usually never even talks to me, and then suddenly, just the day after, he made a casual flirty remark on the hallway! I was like, _paralyzed_!"  
"What, for real, man?”, Vaughn raised an eyebrow.  
“Yeah, he _talked_ to me! And he was being _flirty_ -”  
“ _You_ got a Prince Albert piercing? Like, _on the dick_?!", Vaughn burst out far too loudly. His co-worker shushed him, sinking into his chair.  
"What? Oh nooo... now you know too. Don't tell anyone ok? Geez, I'm never gonna say anything else again! Ever!", his co-worker mumbled in embarrassment.  
  
Not a single counter report that would have suggested another person. Nobody even seemed to doubt their own estimation.  
"Oh it's totally Vasquez, you know that guy? Just some company man, has a beard, acts like he's hot shit." A guy from Public Relations told him as they were sitting at a bar Thursday night. Vaughn had decided to take his investigation to more casual settings, not because he was still in need of more information, but because the stories were too amusing to miss out on.  
“You know, Henry... Humbert... H-something Vasquez. Likes gold stuff. Well, that applies to most Hyperion employees, huh... But he's _really_ big on it, it’s simply ridiculous.” PR guy tried to clarify.  
"Oh yeah, I know Vasquez, my best friend works with him. They're in the same office." Vaughn explained.  
"Yeah, that guy. But we don't really mention it to him? I mean we all know. Maybe don't do it either, okay? He likes it, the whole staff likes it. He's best when he has a dick in his mouth and can't say stupid shit, you get what I mean? You can go rough too, it's real good. Why fix what isn't broken?" The guy from PR took a big gulp from his neon yellow cocktail.  
"Yeah, you sure are right about that. But how are you so certain that it's him?" Vaughn asked with intrigue.  
"He usually _doesn't_ use his left hand, but one time he did. I could feel his tacky golden pinky prosthetic."  
"Oh. Well that's... a sign."  
"And when I asked 'Vasquez?', he seriously answered 'No!' and then said 'Never heard of that name. Sounds like a handsome man though.' …ugh, what a tool."  
Vaughn chuckled.  
"...typical Vasquez."  
  
Every account pointed to the very same man. But Vaughn’s curiosity still wasn’t satisfied in the slightest. There were no hackable accounts on who still used the broom closet or owned its key. This claim might as well be one big mean inside joke or an unfortunate rumor that took a life on its own. But actual proof besides eyewitness, or _dick-witness_ , accounts, was nowhere to be found. The only snippet of hard fact info he find during his research was a medical certificate of Vasquez’s allergies. And dicks were _not_ on it. Vaughn mused how he could possible know for sure, without having to actually _ask_ Vasquez. But Thursday night, while grocery shopping, the muse struck him, and it struck him good. This was not only about satisfying his naturally fierce (and dangerous) curiosity. This was about scoring points. Rhys and Vasquez, and by association also Vaughn, were connected by an obsessive competition. The kind were you give your supposed enemy far too much attention and don’t really ever want to finish him for good.  
It didn’t take much to start the fixation. One day, Vasquez, after only a week of working in Data Mining, had tried to lecture Rhys on the correct way to perform a procedure the latter had been doing for years. And he even suggested a less efficient method. Rhys had felt insulted by the newbie’s condescending attitude, Vasquez felt insulted by him not valuing the advice, everyone felt insulted and nobody ever forgot. That was all it took. Typical Hyperion story. Vaughn considered it a fun sport, more than anything. The resulting relation had often taken a turn into ‘ _middle schoolers playing pranks on each other’_ lane, rather than adhering to the rules of adult men fighting for the rank of employee of the month. Taking in account that Rhys usually picked the path of the submissive asskisser and snitch, and Vasquez usually chose the path of seduction, violence or other shady blackmail tactics, this was almost a… friendly basis. They were both facing at fluctuating dominance levels which evened out to meeting eye to eye. So far, they still remained relatively unbruised from the conflict, too. For Hyperion standards, that’s a _friendly_ rivalry. But not friendly enough for Vaughn to _not_ want to shove _this_ down Vasquez’s throat.

 

* * *

The day after was their special day, the climax of their investigational work. The corridor between IT and PR had never seemed longer, Rhys walked so slowly, so damn slowly. According to himself, it was to 'relish the anticipation'. As far as Vaughn could tell, it was more a matter of 'procrastinating actually doing it’.  
"I can't believe we couldn't find out who it is..." Rhys mumbled, hands shoved into the pockets of his pants.  
"Yeah. So weird." Vaughn said.  
"And you really couldn't find _any_ info? Anything at all? At least I found people who knew about it." Vaughn added with his voice low and monotone. He knew they wouldn’t even be walking down this isle, if he exposed what he knew. Sometimes you needed to bend the truth to make things work, and that was Vaughn’s specialty.  
"Yeaaah." Rhys squeaked. "I dunno? I asked a few but... like two girls knew about it? But no details?"  
"Girls? Rhys, have you been asking _women_ about this?" Vaughn raised an eyebrow.  
"Girls chat a lot at work, don't they? Yvette said that-"  
Vaughn groaned and rubbed his eyes. This was playing to his advantage, but he still sometimes couldn’t understand how his best friend even managed to live.  
"Yvette, man? You were just too shy to talk about _gay stuff_ with your male co-workers, am I right..."  
"No? This is not..." Rhys chuckled nervously. "This is not gay. It's a glory hole. Right? Men use these things. Real manly men who like women use that too."  
"Dude, just... We had that talk already, let's drop it. At least I could talk to a few who used it and came back intact, so I confirmed that it's safe.”  
  
He elbowed Rhys's side several times.  
“Sooo now you can _at least_ get your first glory hole experience... I mean, how cool is that?"  
"Yeah... this is gonna be pretty nice, won't it?" Rhys asked, only carefully optimistic.  
"Hell yeah, man." Vaughn agreed as he opened the toilet stall. The glory hole was still there, in all its holey glory. He closed the stall behind them and sealed the door with a turn of the lock.  
"You pumped, bro?!" Vaughn exclaimed with zest, clenching his fists.  
“I guess...” Rhys grinned shyly.  
“Dude, I said: You pumped?! I heard this is a _really_ good one!” Vaughn grinned up towards his friend.  
“You did?” Rhys cocked an eyebrow.  
“Yeah, man, this is gonna be _so awesome_!”  
“It is kind of hot...” Rhys bit his lower lip.  
“You pumped, man?!!” Vaughn repeated, almost screaming.  
“I am so pumped!!” Rhys hollered to match his volume.  
“Fuck yeah, man!”  
"Time to tear this hole another hole!!" Rhys exclaimed in his raunchiest porn star voice as he opened his pants.  
"Yeah, right...” Vaughn snorted. “Technically there's already another hole behind it. You know, the mouth. Sooo..."  
"Yeah I know! I was trying to pull a cool one-liner, man." Rhys hissed nervously, losing the nimbleness of his fingers on the spot.  
"Wasn't cool." Vaughn said.  
"Aw come on, man. You're not making this easier for me!"  
  
Rhys hesitated to take his member out of his pants, even though his hand was already wrapped around it.  
"Wait, are you... are you gonna stay here and watch?” He asked.  
"Come on, man.” Vaughn patted his back and gave him an awry smile. “Nothing to be ashamed of. I've seen your dick."  
"Yeah. I know. That's not the point." Rhys hissed harshly.  
"Then do it! Just, uh... just open those pants and get going. I bet he's already there, getting all impatient."  
Vaughn knocked on the wall three times. There was a silence. He knocked again.  
"You there, Mr blowjob superstar? We're here to check out if you're as good as people say!", Vaughn yelled towards the hole.  
And only then, three slow knocks came from the other side of the opening.  
"See? He's waiting. I bet he's all hot and bothered on the other side of that wall, aching to take your dick into his mouth."  
Rhys sighed and freed his cock from his pants. He flinched as he noticed Vaughn's gaze.  
"Okay, but do you _have_ to look at it?" Rhys nodded towards his own crotch.  
"Oh so a stranger can see your dick but not your best friend?" Vaughn raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.  
"Alright” Rhys groaned. “Just don't stare that hard!"  
"Sorry, it just looks funny." Vaughn snickered.  
"Vaaaaughn?" Rhys cautioned him.  
"Sorry, I mean pretty! It looks very... pretty."  
"Just shut up, alright?" Rhys sighed.  
  
He stared at the hole and the little inscription with black marker saying ' _The hole to glory_ '.  
Rhys took a step back, and then another, and pressed himself against the opposite wall of the stall.  
"I-...I can't do it." He whispered with the tiniest voice.  
"What? No!” Vaughn rubbed Rhys's arm with both, concern and impatience.  
“But bro! But I brought extra special _flavored lube_ and everything!” Vaughn insisted as he took the small plastic bottle from his messenger bag. ”Like, like, we've planned this! I thought this was gonna be our cool Friday event?!" Vaughn gave his cutest frown of distress, knowing that Rhys can’t really say no to his puppy eyes.  
“If you want to experiment so much” Rhys hissed. “Why don't you stick _your_ dick in it?”  
He crossed his arms and slid a little down the stall wall.  
“I don't want to, man. I'm just... I like _knowing_ who I'm doing this with, that's all!”  
“Umh... oh. Sorry, Rhys. I didn’t mean to-…” Recognizing the distress of his best friend, Vaughn rubbed his arm even more.  
“We don't... have to do this? I thought it could be fun, but... we can just _pretend_ that you did it, ok?”  
“Or we just... don't mention it to anybody. That was a stupid idea in the first place.” Rhys huffed.  
“Or that. Yeah.”  
  
Vaughn looked over his shoulder, throwing the hole a sad, apologetic look. But at second sight, he realized something crucial. Something that would change the whole development of their day. There was a little pile of drywall underneath it, just the tiniest pile of ground-up wall dust. The hole had obviously been tampered with, but it was still as intact as before. It was still safe and smooth.  
“Oooooh no, he didn't. No way! ... I cannot believe this.” He rushed over to the glory hole and swiftly took out his dick to compare sizes.  
“Huh?” Rhys asked. He flinched and squeezed one eye shut as he accidentally looked down to Vaughn’s hip-height.  
“Dude, look at the stuff on the floor.” Vaughn excitedly turned to Rhys, pointing out the sizes. “Somebody filed this hole bigger! And judging from the pile, it was from the other side.” He joyfully bounced up and down.  
“It's big enough for me now! I can stick my dick into this!”  
But actually proving the theory turned out to be a slightly different matter. Standing on the tips of his toes and bending his penis into an upwards angle did not reach the desired effect at all. There was still a long way to go.  
  
“Shit! Ah, shit shit shit! Bro?” Vaughn turned to Rhys, pressing his lips together and giving him the pleading puppy eyes.  
“I... this is gonna be a bit weird, but can you like... lift me?”  
“Lift you? Like, for the-? Umh... uhh, s-sure.” Rhys stuttered, reluctantly stepping towards his exposed best friend.  
Vaughn pulled his pants down to his knees without any indication of shame. Rhys, on the other hand, could only move with his shoulders drawn tight, motions rigid, teeth clenched. Vaughn poured a few drops of the tropical fruit flavored lube onto his member and gave it a few quick strokes to make it stand up to the occasion. He turned towards the wall, ready to go, electrified by the anticipation, and excitedly bobbed up and down on his toes.  
“Come on, man, I'm pretty lightweight! And most of the mass leans against the wall anyway! Come on, pleeease, bro!”  
Rhys took a deep breath and decided to drop his insecurities for the sake of friendship, and grabbed Vaughn by his hips to lift him against the wall. Vaughn fumbled to adjust his dick to go into the hole, and it went in, and it fit perfectly, not too tight, not too big.  
“Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Oh fuck yes!” Vaughn rejoiced.  
“I am _in_ , bro!”  
  
“Shit, man, you're not that light...” Rhys pressed his body against Vaughn's, to steady him in every way possible. He grabbed one of his legs to keep him up, but still held the hip with the other. His arm prosthetic had no special weightlifting enforcement that could have helped him in that situation, and the dream of a cybernetic enhancement that would briefly crossed his mind.  
“Does that work?” Rhys asked through clenched teeth.  
“Yeah! All I'm waiting for right now is for the guy to- Oh- Oh god- Oooooh god oh god oh god-” Vaughn stammered excitedly.  
“W-what?” Rhys hissed nervously.  
“He just licked along my shaft, bro. Like, there was a _tongue_. Oh god, now he's taking the tip in.” Vaughn's voice shivered.  
“Shit, I'm _all_ in!” He gave a long, delighted groan. “I'm aaall the way in his mouth! All in!”  
Rhys shyly pressed his face against Vaughn's nape, feeling himself blush a little at the explicit description.  
“O-okay? So it's... good?” He squeaked.  
“Well, he sure seems to like the taste of the lube!” Vaughn squeaked with delight. “Shit, he's greedy... sucking and licking and deepthroating that thing.”  
Vaughn swiftly pulled out his dick, clumsily producing the lube from the pockets of the pants around his ankles, to slather his meat in the sauce. Within the blink of an eye, he was in again, and the mysterious other continued without missing a beat. Vaughn squeezed his eyes shut and hummed a deep moan that resonated in Rhys's chest.  
  
“Ooooooooooh god. He's using his hands too, man... he has big, strong hands, man... This feels so good, Rhys... so good!”  
“C-could you... could you keep it down, Vaughn?” Rhys mumbled against his shoulder, awkwardly adjusting his hold.  
“Oh chill out, Rhys. If anyone hears us, they're just gonna think that we're having sex!” Vaughn laughed, giving small happy mewls of delight in between.  
“What?!” Rhys hissed, his ears burning. “That... that doesn't sound like a good excuse?! Why would it be good if people thought-”  
As Vaughn moaned in response, or rather in response to what happened behind the wall, Rhys whined uncomfortably.  
  
The smaller friend gave a shameless symphony of sex noises, squirming and tensing arrhythmically, only secured by the taller friend's arms. While straining to avoid an accident to his wall-humping pal, Rhys's front was awkwardly squeezed against Vaughn's back and exposed behind. He could feel every twitch of the muscles of his buttocks. He felt him writhing, sweating, shuddering against his body, and in his growing weakness, Rhys leaned even more body weight into his upheaving motion, if only to manage holding him high enough, for long enough.  
What Rhys didn't know was that Vaughn vividly imagined Vasquez on the other side of the wall. What Vaughn didn't know was that Rhys imagined being the reason for his moaning. Only as Vaughn noticed Rhys's rock-hard erection grinding against his behind, he sorta figured.  
  
"Rhys... “ Vaughn breathed.  
Their faces were burning with the heat of lust and tension and a hint of embarrassment. Vaughn pushed his behind back against Rhys's painfully loaded gun, which immediately leaked with the overstimulation.  
"Oh shit..." Rhys mewled against Vaughn's nape, burying his face. He thrusted back. He could feel Vaughn bumping against the wall.  
"Ouch, my balls! B-bro, c-careful!" Vaughn whispered heatedly, pushing his hips back into Rhys's crotch.  
"Sorry, I-I... had a cramp or something." Rhys breathed, trying to hold still, trying not to do anything stupid.  
"It's ok, no harm done." Vaughn wheezed, circling his hips against Rhys's groin. Rhys began to whine miserably.  
"I-I... can't hold you up forever, bro." He groaned in a low, quiet voice.  
"I-t's just a little more... a little bit... almost there. Please, Rhys. J-just a little more... please... A little deeper..."  
"W-what? Deeper?" Rhys's arms got weaker.  
"Deeper. I-into me." Vaughn's voice grated.  
"Oh, I get it, we're doing that 'pretending to have sex to have an excuse' thing, huh.” Rhys chuckled uncomfortably. “It's... alright, man. Just... be as loud as you want. Whatever. People probably heard us already."  
"Ahaha... okay, umh... cool. Cool." Vaughn muttered.  
"I mean you weren't-" Rhys said.  
"No I wasn't-" Vaughn said.  
"Cause that would be..."  
"Weird?"  
"Weird."  
They laughed uncomfortably, a forced cackle to chase their awkward tension away. It dragged on so long that it created its own layer of awkwardness in itself -and only Vaughn's sudden overwhelmed mewl interrupted them.  
  
“Oh shit!” He pressed his forehead against the wall, flattening his nose. “I don't even understand what he's doing there anymore! How does his tongue manage to do that? What is _that_ , anyway?”  
“Y-you okay, man?” Rhys gulped, his groin longingly pressing against Vaughn's rocking behind.  
“You bet your ass I am!” Vaughn exclaimed in jubilance, shoving his groin into the wall. “Who-ho-holy shit, man! Bro, for real, you gotta try this! I can't... can't even describe it! Nobody would ever expect him to be that skilled at _anything_!”  
Rhys was too distracted to pick up on any signs. Not then, and not later, did it ever cross his mind that Vaughn might have known whom they were dealing with after all. It never crossed his mind that his friend would ever keep a secret from him. In this state of dizzying guilty desires and throbbing nether regions, _nothing_ crossed Rhys's mind at all.  
  
Vaughn's fingernails scratched across the wall, fingertips bending into desperate angles.  
“Oh come on! What the hell! Don't you go slower now?!” Vaughn yelled at the man behind the wall. “Are you trying to pull some orgasm denial thing on me?! You're gonna give me your everything right now, dickbag, I am almost there, man, or I'm gonna-... I'm gonna-...” Vaughn growled, clenching his fists, rapping them against the wall.  
“I-I don't think you can do much right now...” Rhys whispered, his voice thin and hoarse.  
“He doesn't know if we have a gun or not!” Vaughn exclaimed extra loudly.  
“A gun?!” Rhys squinted in confusion.  
“Oh- Ohhh, fuck-” Vaughn shuddered. “Ok, no, it's fine, he's... he's... he's at it again... I'm-... I'm...” Vaughn squeaked, scratching the walls as if he was trying to claw his way through. His cheek was pressed flat against the tiles of the wall.  
“Ahh! Rhys! Rhys hold- H-hold me- Rhys-” And Rhys took the incentive and gathered his last impossible energy to ensure that this would end well. His best friends' body shook and shuddered against his own, violently and overcome by a force stronger than his whole power of body and will. And Rhys heard himself uttering a small, miserable yelp at how damn arousing it was to feel Vaughn climax against his body.  
When they both acknowledged that it was finally over, Vaughn pulled his sensitive member out of the hole. Rhys tried to set him down, but stumbled backwards, crashlanding ass first on the restroom floor. Vaughn fell on top of him, giving his pulsing crotch a torturous slam.  
“Ahh! Fuck, man!”, Rhys growled.  
  
Wheezing for air, the two friends had turned into a chaotic pile of limp bodies doused in sweat and pheromones. Rhys’s arms and shoulder immediately cramped up in an automated reaction, too used to tensing the same muscular regions for too long. He clenched his teeth and gave a pained yelp, only able to wait out the agonizing inability to control them. His prosthetic may not have been biologically effected, but the phantom pain resulted in the same. It was not unlike the sensation of accidentally holding a phone to your ear for hours on end, and only after you hang up, you realize in horror how much that just screwed up your biceps.  
“Y-your pants, bro.” Rhys remarked. Vaughn swiftly dried his flaccid member with some toilet paper and stuffed it back into his pants, pulling them up again.  
“And you, uh... have some spit there.” Vaughn remarked, pointing to Rhys's chin.  
“O-oh. Oh, huh, weird.” Rhys hunched his shoulders and swiftly wiped it off.  
“Dude, I think that Assq-... hole, that, that asshole”, Vaughn barely saved. ”I think that asshole on the other side has my jizz all over his face now.”  
Rhys stood up and brushed his fingers through his hair, his limbs all pressed tightly against his body, contained, defensive.  
“O-oh yeah? That's uh... cool? I guess? Well, it's a little gross to think about it...”  
  
“You... gonna go for it now, too?” Vaughn asked carefully. “I still got plenty of lube here? Smell it, it’s all fruity fresh and hella nice, makes it much less icky, doesn’t it?”  
“Umh... well.” Rhys hesitated. ”Nooo, umh... sounds cool? Really does, but, uh… I think that was enough for today. Enough excitement for this weekend. Another time, ok, man?”  
“Alright, dude.” Vaughn offered him a brofist, and Rhys gladly bumped it.  
“Guess we can leave then, huh?” Vaughn said, crouching in front of the hole one last time, curiously peeking into it. It was pitch-black, and he couldn't see a thing.  
“I think I gotta... use the bathroom for what it's... intended for.” Rhys murmured. “So, umh... why don't you go ahead and we meet up later?” Rhys's eyes restlessly darted around the stall. His hands were in the pockets of his pants, and he couldn't stand on one leg for long. Vaughn turned away from the hole and looked up and blinked at him.  
“Uh, suuure. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna leave you... to it then.” He lifted his eyebrows as he turned to open the lock and leave Rhys to himself. Looking back into the stall as he closed the door, Vaughn still gave him the same look, adding a slight squint. Rhys hid his face behind his hands and gave a long sigh.  
“See you later!” He groaned.  
“See ya, man! And... thanks! That was awesome!” Vaughn yelled from outside the stall.  
“Yeah, hahaha, it sooo was!” Rhys forced a smile, in the hopes it would make him _sound_ less fake.  
  
When Vaughn's footsteps had faded into the quiet buzz of the ventilation system, Rhys dropped onto the toilet seat. The lid was down. Except for his zipper, his pants weren't open. But this was enough for what he planned to do. What he didn't realize was that holes have more purposes than just sticking things into them. Rhys gently lowered his eyes shut and let the hum of the aerators lull him into the memory of moments just passed, as his hand carefully snaked around his own erect member. It wasn't great. It was the rough, fast, down-to-business kind of wank that leaves you feeling calm, de-stressed, hollow... and slightly disappointed.

 

* * *

Whenever he came to visit Rhys, Vaughn would take a little detour to avoid Vasquez's desk. Not because he was scared or anything, but because his eyes would always be glued to him walking across the office, and that became a little discomforting after the umpteenth time. Even whenever he would return the gaze, they would just stare at each other intensely, without either of them giving in. Vasquez's piercing gaze always had a hint of 'You shouldn't even be here, you lowlife', but that might be the company-given paranoia speaking.  
Sometimes though, Vaughn would actively seek his attention, like when there was a new recent competition that would make a little teasing enjoyable.  
As he passed by Hugo Vasquez's cubicle later that day, he wasn't even on his way to Rhys. Rhys was already off work. No, Vaughn had a very specific curiosity to be satisfied. And he would not be disappointed.  
As he was in eye-sight, Hugo instinctually looked up from his computer screen, squinting at the accountant standing in the Data Mining office.  
  
“Whatcha looking at?” Vasquez had a slight lisp. His talking revealed that his mouth was slightly swollen and pinker than usual.  
Vaughn bit his lower lip and had to take a deep breath. He was overcome by the prickling rush of his success, the actual proof right in front of him, like on a silver tray. The case was the following: The flavored lube he had used during their glory hole operation has _not_ been a safety precaution. Or for his pleasure. Or for _Vasquez's_ pleasure. No, the tropical flavored lubricant had a whole other purpose altogether: It contained a _kiwi extract_. The _allergenic_ part.  
"Hey Assquez, what's that gross thing in your mouth, like, some giant slug? Oh wait... that's your tongue."  
He threw him a sassy, smug smirk laden with significance, and the other man knew that this meant something, and just blankly stared back.  
"It’s not _that_ swollen." Hugo said bluntly, the 's' coming out a little dampened.  
“Looks like an allergic reaction” Vaughn purred. He was wiggling his eyebrows, upping his blatant confidence to keep himself going and really make this count.  
“What?” Hugo whispered with eyes widening in horror.  
“Looks like you put something in your mouth that left... traces.” Vaughn's eyebrows put a provocative dance on the dancefloor of his forehead.  
“Are you implying something...?” Hugo squinted his eyes suspiciously. But even before Vaughn replied, they lit up in sudden understanding and horror.  
"Did you eat the wrong fruit maybe? A _forbidden fruit_ so to say?" Vaughn's teasing grin had jumped the shark, and looked more like a theatrical parody by then.  
Vasquez sluggishly dropped his eyelids, slowly shook his head, and took a lung-deep breath. He smacked his lips and exhaled again, and Vaughn could hear the slight shivers, and that he was making a conscious effort to keep his cool.  
  
“Oh, I see. Clever, Vaughn, real clever..." Vasquez hummed in a dangerous baritone. He propped his hands against the desk top and rose with dignified gravity.  
"Looks like you've had me Vaughn.” He sighed. “Really got me by the balls this time. A real _tight_ grip.”  
Vasquez swaggered around the desk, casually sitting down on the edge of it. He sat far too close for Vaughn to not feel violated, but that was _typical Vasquez_ , too. Vaughn puffed his chest, refusing to be intimidated. Vasquez nonchalantly took out his smartphone, tapping on a few icons, and for a second Vaughn thought he was distracted by it. But he opened a file and casually tilted the screen towards him, letting his eyes wander through the office as if he was already bored by it.  
"Is that... is that my dick?" Vaughn recognized, blinking.  
"Oh wow, geez... now that you mention it... how did _that_ get there?!” Vasquez gave a theatrical pout and shook his head. “It would be a pity if someone were to... send it via the e-mail distribution list."  
Vasquez's lips curled into a victorious smirk. But the smaller man just shrugged it off and gave a slightly nervous huff.  
"As if anybody would recognize-"  
Vasquez swiped to the next photo. This was a photo framed with circular blackness, a voyeuristic glance into a hole. And inside this dark frame you could observe a slightly blurry shot of the very left toilet stall between rooms H-190 and I-001. A fairly recent snapshot too.  
"Rhys...?" Vaughn squinted at the low quality photo.  
"Oh, this must be devastating to you, Vaughn. I'm so sorry to break it to you, but... I'm afraid your friend put on a one-man-show after you left. He seemed very desperate to... relieve some pressure after what you've experienced together. I have never seen a man rub one off that lovelessly. So rushed… so clumsy." Vasquez purred.  
"Well, _finally_ I get to see what his sex faces look like!" Vaughn chuckled.  
"What?" Vasquez squinted.  
"Oh nothing." Vaughn crossed his arms, snickering awkwardly.  
“But, you know, so what? Big deal.” He smirked. “This blurry low-res pic of Rhys holding a pink tube that could be anything from a naked mole to a hot dog? Big Foot photos are more believable than this. And it's not really taking away from the fact that you're the closet king of glory holes and sucked like… 37 dicks."  
"Well, not _in a row_." Vasquez hissed, taking back his phone.  
"Oh, did you count? Was I correct? Was I number 37?" Vaughn lowered his eyelids, breathing the words.  
“No?! You-... why 37? What the... what the hell.” Vasquez’s eyes nervously darted about, blinking far too often, and you could see that Vaughn's mere usage of definite numbers confused him far too much for his own good. He didn't even know that this was _from a movie._  
  
Maybe Vaughn was turned on by seeing Vasquez lose his cool and dignity, even if only a little bit. Maybe he was turned on by the weird shit he would say whenever his fragile ego grasped for a defense that would make 14-year-olds shake their heads in second hand embarrassment. It was about to happen, he could feel it. Like at least half of all Hyperion big-shots, Hugo Vasquez was not a _genuinely_ stable man, but a limp rubber sack of an ego inflated into a big hollow balloon, so easy to pop with the prick of a mere needle. Vaughn had figured out how to be that needle. He learned to cater to the powerful to get further in his career, say what they want to hear (or have Rhys say it, since he may be good at analyzing it, but usually not the best at using it). But at the same time, he had trained the ability to recognize what they want to hear the least. Working at Hyperion was like playing a game with complex rules. And what Vaughn loved most was to _expand the rules for his own amusement._  
  
He leaned in, trying to intimidate Vasquez with his own tricks, but the burlier mountain of a man didn't even flinch.  
“Oooh Vaughn.", Vasquez suddenly chuckled, shaking his head, giving his lips a swift lick. "Vaughn, Vaughn, Vaughn, wow... this is rich! You think this insignificant piece of information gives you any kind of power over me? You think I could be blackmailed with the threat of you proposing that I was the man behind the glory hole?"  
"Mostly I just wanted to see your face when you realized that somebody found you out... but yeah, that too. I could make you refuse a job or a promotion sometime in the future..." Vaughn puckered his lips.  
"You underestimate just how little people care about _this_... birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it...” Hugo hummed, lowering his eyelids and giving Vaughn an almost seductive lookover.  
"Let's do it, let's... fall...in love?" Vaughn completed the lyrics, squinting his eyes.  
"N-no! I wasn't, ah crap-" Hugo faltered.  
"Those are the lyrics-" Vaughn squinted tighter.  
"I know! That was totally improvised, I mean I couldn't have known you would confront me on this. I... didn't think it over." Hugo made aimless, clumsy hand gestures, his eyes darting around the floor.  
"Soo you're not-?" Vaughn tilted his head, clenching his teeth.  
"I'm talking about _sex,_ Vaughn!” Vasquez hurriedly clarified himself. “The good old in-and-out. Putting on a horizontal tango. Parking the spaceship in the hangar. Taking a tour into the tunnel of love. Everyone does everyone else! At least when you're hot or important enough. Nobody even cares with whom, how often and for what purpose these relations happen, like… how did you even think that this was a big deal?”  
"Oh, uh, right. Okay, I, uh, I get it. Well… that song was a bit misleading then." Vaughn said.  
"Yeah... I know. Just pretend I had a better song at hand." Vasquez murmured.  
Vaughn snorted, nodding.  
"Yeah, not gonna do that. For obvious reasons."  
  
"Either way..." Hugo mumbled, placing a hand on Vaughn's shoulder. "You think you can get away with a prank like that without getting punished for it? Know your place, Vaughn, you are in no position to even think about insulting me like this... You are nothing but a tiny, insignificant _cog_ in the machine." He put an extra effort into mouthing the word 'cog' with pronunced emphasis, sowing more genital-related vocabulary into their conversation as there _already_ was. This was him _priming_ his opposite. Or provoking, or flirting, or his compulsive dick-fixation.  
Hugo rubbed his thumb over Vaughn's clavicle.  
"But the punishment is gonna be... half as bad, right? Or are we talking _'punishment’_.” Vaughn asked with a suggestive smirk curling his lips. “’Cause... you reeeally liked sucking my dick, right? I could feel how much you loved it.”  
He wasn't getting too aggressive vibes from Vasquez in that moment. And he, himself, wasn't sending aggressive vibes either. And they were both usually very good at reading signals, there was no reason to assume he was misinterpreting the situation. With reckless curiosity rising, a lewd grin spread on Vaughn's lips. He slowly raised his hands to make a gesture simulating a blowjob of an imaginary hard-on, his hand jerking and his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He swiftly gained confidence in the decision and his movements gained force and obscenity. His piercing bedroom eyes said that he was mocking him, but at the same time, this was him flirting. This was the loop hole in their rigid system (by both social and company rules), the one grey area where this _could happen_.  
  
Vasquez grabbed his collar and pulled him against his chest, baring his teeth, a grin twitching at the corners of his lips. This was him flirting. This was _his_ loop hole. As long as they could discard their behavior as regular wholesome game of mutual intimidation, their arousal was ok.  
“An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, _a cock for a cock_..." He leaned in, so close that their upper bodies were flush against one another; so close that Vaughn could feel him breathing hotly into his ear.  
"Wouldn't the righteous punishment be _my_ cock in _your_ mouth? My big bad manhood stretching your tight little lips.” He whispered raspily, only for Vaughn to hear. “I would pump you full of cum, like a _water balloon_. I'd fill you up so good, oh, it would be a spiritual experience... I'd fill you until you'd drip from all your orifices, until you'd _weep_ my sperm."  
His voice shook lightly, Vaughn could _hear_ his arousal. But he could also hear his swollen tongue still getting into his way of a perfectly clear pronunciation, so he accidentally snorted in amusement.  
  
"You always say the sickest shit when you're intimidated, Vasquez...", Vaughn murmured. They were still so close he was scared he could feel Vasquez's boner at any given moment. Or Vasquez his. Their groins didn't quite touch, but still, he was expecting they would somehow bridge the distance with their mutual boner-having.  
"What? Intimidated? Who's intimidated? I'm not intimidated!" Vasquez insisted a little too loudly, eyes wide with indignation.  
"Yeah you are.” Vaughn cocked an eyebrow. “Nooot because of my dick, right? I know it's kinda big for my size, but... Is it bigger than yours? That it?”  
"No?!” Hugo huffed, getting more offended by the second. ”Your cock was lovely?! Nice shape, nice size, not a threat or anything, why would I even-...!" Hugo barked, getting increasingly louder.  
"Did you jerk off to it?" Vaughn's eyes flashed up with sadistic curiosity.  
"Who do you think you are, you little pinprick?!" Vasquez shouted, shoving Vaughn away by the collar.  
"Sorry, what was that?” Vaughn snickered. “You sound like you still got a dick in your mouth, or like, _two or three_!"  
  
When Hugo’s hand hauled off to grab Vaughn, or even more likely, sucker-punch him in the face, Vaughn immediately took his heels. Luckily, they were pretty much exactly like a rabbit facing a wolf -he had the clear advantage of agility and speed.  
Enraged with embarrassment, Vasquez was in lockstep, ready for an inappropriate pursuit through the entire office. But the chase was cut short as he ran into a co-worker at the very first turn.  
“Try not to stumble over all those _dicks_ in your mouth, Assquez!”, Vaughn yelled from the back of the office room, right before he slipped out and disappeared from his sight. The younger employee’s heart was racing with exhileration. He was so filled with adrenaline, he would run all the way back to his own office, even though he knew there was no need for it. He had sneaked into the inmost cave and poked the bear with a stick and got out mostly unharmed. He had downright _controlled_ the situation. He felt so alive. And he would definitely need _at least_ one wank during the next toilet break.  
  
Vasquez stood in the middle of the office room, flushed bright red, hands clenched to fists.  
"What… was that?" The co-worker he had collided with asked with a raised eyebrow, finally standing up himself.  
"Nothing.” Hugo mumbled. “Mind your own business! Get outta my office!”, he snapped.  
“B-but this is my desk-“, the co-worker stuttered, _trying_ to oppose him.  
“Get the hell away from me, can’t you see I’m busy?!” Hugo barked at him, impulsively pushing him to the ground again. His co-worker sat on the ground, confused and offended. Instead of opting for actually having a backbone, he decided to better get out of his way. He scuttled behind his desk, hiding underneath until Vasquez would leave on his own again.  
"This isn't over, Vaughn! You hear me? This is not over!” Vasquez bawled after the escapee. “I know where you work! I'm gonna get you and- and-...”  
The eyes of every co-worker in hearing range were locked on him, but only for a short moment. With Hugo's wild stare scanning the audience, his bright red face, and his labored breathing, everyone swiftly resumed their work.  
He inhalted, exhaled.  
Maybe he was out of shape, maybe he was embarrassed, maybe he was aroused.  
Or maybe his labored respiration was due to his allergic reaction to the kiwi lube.  
Medical assistance would probably be a good idea.  
And Vaughn secretly hoped that Vasquez was smart enough to get the idea himself.

**Author's Note:**

> [Pop Cultural References:  
> -Vaughn's daydream of a virus with 'annoying little dancing hamsters' is analogous to the 90s meme [Hampster Dance](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/hampster-dance)  
> -Vaughn's “37 dicks” joke is from the Kevin Smith movie ["Clerks"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCLYDpNwvlw)  
> -Vasquez quotes the song "Let's do it", which is originally by [Cole Porter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRw5qnprD2w), but the version he had in mind is by [Ella Fitzgerald](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXYKGL6MgKM%5D%5D). Vaughn was thinking of the [Joen Jett & Paul Westerberg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29gqDnlWI7Y) version though.]


End file.
